Christ, had to go to the dentist this morning for a filling on a top, most inaccessible molar. Ended up only needing to be smoothed, not filled, but the effing dentist slashed my gum and it hurt and bled like the freaking Inquisition, and now my mouth tastes like shit…that flouride crap combined with ground […]

Is anyone else out there still eating turkey for at least one meal a day? It makes me feel awfully guilty that I didn’t send people home with leftovers. But in my defense, I was drunk.
It was fabulous having everyone over for dinner, and the sheer volume of food was fairly impressive. Architecture Student and […]

Isn’t it funny when you go to the gym and see people who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing who make you feel totally smug and superior? I saw a girl on the elliptical who had the resistance set to “concrete slurry,” so she had to hold on with both hands and heave-ho to […]

Ah, my floor is now covered in a pleasing array of bags. I hate me some shopping, but this time I had a list! The main purchases, which are making me particularly happy, are various Aveda eyeshadows and Phyto hair serum and a new pair of Lucky jeans with a black belt that should make […]

Rather than spend another night looking after Old Tampax, I called its owner and said that she had gotten into my NEIGHBOR’S trashcan, and “God only knows what she got into.” I figure it was best that he not associate his dog’s ass with my almost ass with me sitting only a few feet from […]

What a vile way to wake up in the morning. Not only was there the panic followed by the horror followed by the fury closely followed by despair. This disgusting, revolting, hideous dog snuck into my bathroom last night and ate all my tampons. And the tampons. They were used.
You may ask why I don’t […]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forgive me for shrieking, but I am bowed up with leg cramps. Stupid pointy heels. I shot out of bed at four this morning clutching my calf and swearing and it’s only gotten worse. And yes, I’ve eaten bananas.
Not nice.
Then I had to get up at six to run for the first time since the […]

The last twenty-four hours have involved several run-ins with the law.
My housing situation is pretty sweet, which I think I’ve mentioned before. So, my neighbors and A.S. and I were in the Back 40 roasting some oysters and enjoying a pleasant bonfire last night, when suddenly the dogs take off like their tails are on […]

A Snart is a combination of a sneeze and a fart. But it wasn’t me. Apparently everyone in my office is sick, including my boss, (and that wasn’t me either, unless wishing made it happen). We need to hire someone to cropdust the building in Lysol, because it’s just a pit of germs and disease […]

So I get to work early, right, to get that press release finished by 8:00. It was good stuff too, if I do say so myself. Very aggressive writing, punchy, dripping with nuance. Anyway, I send it to my boss, fully expecting him to leap on it and turn it around so we can get […]